On Desire and Violence

 Is there a relationship between desire and violence? Although these two ideas may seem independent of each other, I’ve come to believe that there may be a significant connection between the two. 

I am someone who believes that there is something about suffering that is intrinsic to existence. Although this can be debated, my following line of thinking presupposes that from the moment we are basically “thrown” into this world, with no clear destination or purpose, we are subjected to the suffering related to our human condition. This includes the inescapable mortality of man, the crippling need for meaning in a seemingly absurd and meaningless universe, and the other anomalies and tragedies of life. I felt that I need to specify this, because I often struggle to know whether an idea is independent of a traumatic experience or not. This way, I account any individual who claims to lead a stable life, devoid of suffering, as either oblivious or ignorant, sometimes willingly out of fear or subconsciously in an unaware manner. 

Now take desire. What is it? For a long time, I felt that desire was something one seeks while under the impression that said thing will lead to happiness of some sort, or perhaps a sense of fulfillment. Upon questioning, I am not so sure of this. There were so many instances in my own life, but also in certain universal human experiences, where people made decisions which ultimately were self-destructive or violent towards oneself. I think most people generally want the best for themselves, or at the very least one acts in accordance to what they feel is morally sophisticated….so in this case, why do humans act in self-destruction? 

So are our desires rooted in some sort of violence? Whether it be towards ourselves or others?

Given love, one may desire another individual romantically whilst also hating this person. Does this stem from issues with the individual, perhaps childhood trauma, or does this say something about existence itself? When we love someone who we also may hate, hypothetically speaking, this is a feeling which is beyond one's control, an irrational desire. Therefore is one simply just reinforcing a self proclaimed prophecy or one assigned by the individual's environment? If one believes that they are unworthy of love, they are more likely to become a part of a relationship which puts them in a position which confirms their belief as demonstrated by phenomena like Stockholm syndrome, or how individuals with trauma will subconsciously resort to reenactment coping strategies. So in this scenario, when an individual desires another’s love, they participate in an act of self-destruction and induced suffering. This psychological argument, whether true or not (I still do not know for sure), then begs some great questions about all of our goals and desires. 

Another example which demonstrates a similar phenomenon is the striving for academic success.  Does this desire not mask a feeling of intellectual or conscientious inadequacy (relative to an ideal that one compares themselves to?), even though, rationally one can deduce that once a desired goal is reached, happiness is not found? When one reaches their goal, are they truly happy, or have they confused happiness with the achievement of material possession or superficial status? Our primal desires appear to be for such things, which feed our animalistic want of luxury or material necessities. We seem to confuse these things with meaningful pursuits, but I strongly believe that it is not truly what we crave. What we crave is a nourishing of the soul, a meaningful pursuit, or a reason to keep existing in such an insufferable world. This is the big misunderstanding of humanity in any given context. We strive and desire what we believe will make us happy, when in reality everytime we end up setting ourselves up for failure. We fail because we never are satisfied with the achievement of reaching the top of the mountain. What we really want is a higher one to climb. In other words, we hurt ourselves when we restrain ourselves to such limiting and superficial expectations. Only when we lose our expectations can we see a mere glimpse of happiness, but even then, expectations are arguably impossibly difficult to change, meaning that they are not exclusively an individual’s doing. Our expectations become the criteria which can be neglected, leading to a sort of self-destruction. Somehow, it seems that we are constantly moving in a direction of sabotage or falsified happiness; an impression of what we think we desire (happiness), when really our actions seem to point to the fact that we seem to be existentially uncomfortable with our existence. 

Now one can argue that some experience this more than others, and perhaps this is true. Some suffer more absurd or tragic hardships than others, but that which defines humanity-things like love-are an act of destruction and violence whether or not an individual has experienced a conventional understanding of trauma or not.

 The individual finds themselves in a chaotic and meaningless world, now just like an emotionally neglectful parent, the universe, the source of their very existence, never seems to answer their prayers unless you believe in astral projection or something haha. One is left in complete darkness to fend for themselves. Just like the hungry child screams in agony, the human being desperately and loudly cries for answers concerning their meaning and purpose. With no response, it is understandable for the individual, like the unfed child they are, to feel abandoned by God; alone, afraid and feeling unworthy of love. In addition, one’s physical self in relation to the grandeur of the cosmos is just but another reminder of our insignificance, from an honourable yet cruel father. Such a feeling often manifests itself as a self-hatred, guilt and discomfort. What is one then left with other than a faulty compass which reinforces their infantile belief that they do not matter? I mean who can blame them? So they naively act on their desires, aiming constantly for a happiness which is unachievable. It's how all the great philosophers know that the journey is astronomically more significant than the goal, because one truly lives for a meaningful experience.

It was Camus who suggested that the meaning of life is that which prevents us from killing ourselves, but if that is the pursuit of seemingly unnecessary suffering, whether one admits that or not, then we lead a masochistic existence. Perhaps this is because, when we pursue that which we desire, we are directly confronting the beast. Whether this beast requires sacrifice or not, we are confronting a great authoritarian and cruel universe. Whilst some see this confrontation as a rebellion, I feel as though it is actually an act of creation, the kind produced by an artist. It was Picasso who said that every act of creation is first an act of destruction. 

By facing the inevitable and inescapable state of often unknown or unpredictable chaos that is existence, we turn it into habitable order. A sentiment which Dr. Jordan Peterson has a lot to say about. I’ve come to a conclusion, unless one finds themselves in a transcendent state (one similar to the kind of divine love Dostoyevsky knows all too well or if you astral project in your sleep hahaha), one must destroy in order to exist, and this existence is sustained because we create. We willingly harm ourselves, because for some mysterious reason, the universe has put us in a state of appreciation for violence through its merciless silence, and has taught us, through our own experience that we are intrinsically bound to suffering whenever we pursue just about anything. Creation -of order- must then be a means of coping whilst being simultaneously terrified and endeared by that which is ultimately an extension of ourselves; chaos.